Beauty of Uncertainty.
A song by KT Tunstall from her second music album 'Drastic Fantastic' released last year. It is not as affable as the first one but the album's comic artworks somehow thrilled me. It's by Robin Footitt.
Uncertainty has made me into silence for almost a year (or more) since graduated from art college. Like Maira Kalman written in 'The Principles of Uncertainty' :
"How can I tell you everything that is in my heart. Impossible to begin. Enough. No. Begin..."
And from there she started to talk about Dodo birds, candy-striped water tower, the old people who have difficulty walking, wedding during the dark times, funny candies, the journey in Paris, Kitty Carlisle Hart dated George Gershwin, Stefan Sagmeister is so tall, the man dances on salt and so many little things she saw/thought/imagined/talked/met/ate/felt in life with her naively beautiful illustration. I particularly love the things that fall out of books part.
Yes. How can I tell you everything that is in my heart. I have no clue of what's in my heart since a year ago. I know what's in my head but not in my heart. I looked for jobs that is related to what I've studied in college right after graduation. I found one and I thought I was lavishly happy. So I carried with me a clueless heart and worked hard. I thought I've worked hard enough. But there's never enough. Never.
The uncertainty about this working life I was having. Is this really what it should be? If this is what is so-called the local advertising life, I would say it is pathetic. Rather pathetic. So I was told to leave. Either by a third person or by my heart, it does not matter. So I left.
The uncertainty about life continues to strike every seconds. But I started to have clues again. That this world is so bright and beautiful. That I should put my feet on the ground to walk again.
So I did. I am waiting to leave and see the world and do something. Do something that make sense to me.
The uncertainty follows me. And I hope it will follow me for the rest of life.